Dreams (up to speed) 2007-9
Monday, September 7, 2009
This is not a symbolic situation, so you know. This is very similar to the reality of my father's new wife and her daughters. They are not bad people? They are the product of something angry, entitled, and unreal to my eyes. I thought in the dream, "How do I know these horrible people!!!???" "How can these people exist!?"
I was now out in the open somewhere. My hands were stretched out before me, sad with this thought. A golden light with the shape of smaller silvery/gold and transparent human hands clasped my left wrist, turning it over then back again, almost examining it. They moved to the other wrist and I kept my focus, this time squeezing its thumb to let it know that I was aware of it's presence. To my astonishment it had volume, weight. It was tactile and real!
It (female?) spoke in a thought voice and told me that when I stood at the gates of hell (despair, futility in the lack of heart and apathy), when I needed it (her?) to place two fingers under each nostril, press down and say her name. She would be there.
It was the last bit that I remember. I never saw her face. I cannot tell you the name. I remember the name! Haha! But....that is for myself and almost unimportant? None the less, I feel it is for me.
I will not be able to talk about the first spirit dream I have had this month until I understand what is happening. Hell, these are really for me anyway!! I need to print the fuckers out.
And yes, for what it's worth....I feel these are spirits that I am meeting in my dreams. I like meeting them that way. In person, it takes your breath away! It can be wonderful but shocking. Well, wonderful AND shocking. Until I get clarity it is a no nonsense approach. The next post will be about the third. I had it two nights ago but am too tired to record it now.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
I had a dream that I was riding in the back seat with my Father and Step-mom. We were traveling along the cliffs of a country that I had never been to before. It was tremendous what I could see out of my window, the typography of this place. Gigantic cliffs on my left lead down to an inlet of the ocean. The climate seemed dry yet was cluttered with palms and tropical trees. The three of us chatted about something benign when across this inlet something caught my eye.
It was a series of four cliffs or platforms that jutted out from the center of the mile high cliff across the small branch of sea which we were driving. Three of these four cliffs were roughly equal in length with the fourth cut in half. Hanging from these long rectangular (and one short) platforms were cones that looked artificial in design and sat side by side as if the dark points on the six side of the dice. The last ledge, however, only held four cones but were as uniform in placement as the others.
On top of these ledges, platforms, the scene was out of ancient Greece. On the top of the long three were two rows of pillars each. They were in ruins yet still held the skeleton of what was once, I imagine, a thriving civilization. They were adjacent to the long lines of these platforms stretching out to the end (and in sets of two per structure) were resting in patches of grass and dried earth. Except for the cones and shapes of these things (the last 'stage' empty of any pillars) they seemed natural and beautiful.
I looked at my Father sitting in front of me and said, "Is that the ancient city?"
"That's the ancient city", he said. I thought, how odd and frightening to put your city on such an unreachable set of cliffs! There were no stairs or ladders leading to this site!
I then woke up in my bedroom, in a half sleep. You will not understand this next part or my reaction to it. I saw a single point of blue indigo light hovering next to my bed just above eye level. I felt at peace when I saw it and fell back into a deep sleep. It was not startling and I would deal with it later.
I now believe that the dream was a message about the astounding foundation of the ancient people's that we ascended from. The cones equaling the number sequence 6664 was a fascinating google search to say the least. In other words, the foundation for our ancient people's goes beyond our present ideas of how they came to be and what they were capable of. I will leave it at that. Is my decoding of this dream 'correct'? Not sure. I am thankful for these dreams but not attached to my interpretation. Why they are handed to me? Well, you know God has a sense of humor. Peace.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Two nights ago I had this dream: I was in a somewhat arid desert that was windy and dark. I had the feeling that I was either in Mexico or middle Africa on assignment with the U.S. military to man a base; completing remedial but valuable tasks. It was terrifying.
Though I knew I was on earth, it felt other worldly. It was sand and canyon and mostly dark all year round. I was at the tail end of joining my team and was in training for my job. The job? Not sure. It included transporting small devices on our person (in full gear) out of the safety of our compound to a not so distant location. This job was accomplished on foot and we were surrounded by killer lions, tigers, elephants (which did not attack nor get attacked due to their size). The only thing keeping my team from being eaten alive once out of our compound was a flaccid chicken wire fence and some sort of laser gun. The different beasts would line up at the fence as we belly crawled and ran along to the next destination. The laser was literally a life saver! One direct beam and all the animals would cower away. It was exciting!!! I loved my job and the people I worked for felt like my family.
Also.....and it is a big also........there was one other gay man there working with us. I remember that we fell for each other in a brotherly way and everyone was ok with it.
Between job shifts we would escape to a concrete domed room and make out, and then some.
I was in love, had an exciting job, and got to wear a uniform all day. God! It was bliss!
I was under age in this dream. I was my age but under age. I wasn't old enough to drive and neither was my tall dark haired boyfriend. At some moment he talked me into driving him to another city where I would drop him off so he could meet his friends. So in a military canvas colored jeep I took him toward the sunrise and was stopped by other military to check ID. They found that I was not old enough and asked me if I knew what I had done was wrong.
The odd thing is that I suddenly became fully aware that I might suffer for my actions and confessed that I did know and take the punishment for it. The officers brought me into their office and a man behind the desk tore my work badge in half saying, "On this offense, one time is all it takes. We are reassigning you to our base here".
I was broken. I mean, just so depressed that I could not pull myself up. I was going to lose not just the excitement of my duties but every big brave friend I had made. I knew the distance would also cause me to lose my new guy friend. I was so fond of him.
I went back to say goodbye to everyone who had just become a huge part of my life. There was one short haired girl that had trained me. She was upset but held an upbeat posture. I told her how I was going to miss the lions that hunted us. She then said that she knew they were still around and would scare them out of the tunnels they hid in, waiting for us.
She then tossed a large bowling ball out and away from her. I then could see through the walls of the compound to observe the path it followed on the desert floor. I watched it dive in circles under the ground and up again; circle around again, repeating the pattern. I saw the spiral in the sand draw tighter as it dove down into the last cave. Three lions, almost cartoon like, came leaping out ahead of it this time. They were still there and I was just heart broken for losing it all over one mistake. I woke up.
Monday, June 29, 2009
The Indians were about what you would expect, with the "traditional" garb, dancing, drumming. Shortly into the ceremony I noticed that there was a shallow ditch dug into the ground at the front row of the ceremony. As the ceremony continued people watching got up from their chairs and dropped to their knees in front of it. They would then take their heads and rip them off their bodies, placing them in the ditch as an offering and testament to the power of the ceremony. I was shocked! To me, this was a trite re-enactment at best!
It was at that moment that a bald black man with white smudge paint on his face broke out of the center of the dancing Natives and walked over to me. He picked up his hand and blew white dust in my face. For one moment, all was blank, and as I came to I saw that I had fallen off of my chair and my arms were raised toward the sky. Then, one gigantic owl followed by three smaller owls flew over the tops of the pines and I could feel their power. I know it sounds odd but I could feel them. It was a mix of awe, humility, and ecstasy.
After their passing, I stood to see that others had not seen this and were split into two groups. Those that did not understand why these people would lose their head at such a show and the people sacrificing their head just to experience something. I went to speak with a woman and man, their arms crossed and indignant, to tell them that you did not have to lose your head to feel something here. I woke up and once again told my mother about the dream.
A few days later my mother told me that she had shared my dream with another woman at the grief crisis center and that she was coming over to the house to meet me. To meet me!? My mother said she just wanted to meet me, period. So....sure enough some time, either that day or shortly after, a woman (short in stature, short brown hair) arrived at the door and said hello to my mother and myself. My mother left the room and she and I sat on the sofa to talk.
She looked at me and said, "You have some Indian blood in you?". I said, "Yes, one tenth Canadian Indian (my father's side)".
She then said that some animals have medicine and belong to our spirit. She then pulled out some cards and showed me one with an owl on the front and, on back, the meaning of the owl spirit. She said it was the shamans animal and I should never give energy in the wrong manner when healing people. WHAT the hell was she talking about!!?? I stayed quiet.
She said a spirit she was friends with told her to stop by and say hello. "He speaks with an Irish accent", she told me.
She then shared how selfish suicide can be to others around them. Her son had committed suicide and her spirit broke open. She then began to see like I could see. This is what she shared.
Ok, so here I am seventeen........none of this information was applicable nor made sense nor WAS going to make any sense in my mind. I kept still, listened, and soon after she left me with a hug. It was not until eight years later that everything she shared with me came into being. And, to this day, every place I settle becomes a nesting ground for owls. Every crackish slum I have ever paid rent. How odd and wonderful. I never saw her again.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
I remember it was after church on a Sunday in Roswell Georgia where I would always fall asleep after lunch in a big comfortable chair in my Mother and Step dads home. On one Sunday I fell asleep and had a dream that started off with what was a HUGE secret I had been harboring for years. It began with me in the audience of a play or stage show. There was no set decoration, just a plain white curtain and folding chairs facing one direction. The audience was mostly full but the two characters on stage were gay men. They were looking at me as if the audience did not exist and propositioning me to join in the play. It was an exciting idea but I knew it was not me, not what I wanted?
Next thing I remember is that I was on top of a hill on a stretch of highway here in Atlanta. The sky was gray and there was not a soul to be seen. I was alone on a bicycle and knew that I did not know where to go but home. The two men appeared again and somehow sent me the message that if I chose one path I could enjoy the excitement of a sexual encounter with them. The other, a long trip into the unknown to get home. So I started down this long stretch of road that glided toward a tremendous hill. I knew I was going to try and make it home.
As I approached the hill I thought to myself that I had better pedal hard and fast if I was going to make it all the way up without having to walk it. So I did, and as I did I felt a pull from the center of my body propel me forward. The bike lifted away from me and I began to fly up through overpasses and into the sky. I looked back on the earth and stretch of highway that was now busy with traffic for some reason!?
As I looked down I thought it was sad that man had projected a holographic image of the the mountains next to the highway to make people feel that the projection is what real natural beauty was as they drove their cars on a cold concrete landscape.
Suddenly I went into the fetal position and was surrounded by darkness. It sounded as though a train were rushing by in the distance and a voice said, "Where do you want to go?".
I said, "Well, I like big rolling mountains that seem to build up on one another and wa...".
I did not finish my last thought before I lifted up out of a lake into the most beautiful mountain scenery that I had ever seen. I not only saw these mountains and lake, but I felt them! I could feel them vibrating with me and it was awesome! I immediately started crying uncontrollably and the voice that now seemed to be to my left said, "Why are you crying?".
I said, "Because man is destroying this on earth!". The thought just came out. Since I was young I felt bad for what man was doing to the trees and animals, whatnot, but did not remember "thinking" about it in such a heartfelt way.
I then started seeing parts of my life. I was floating down on scenes of moments with my family that I took for granted. Vacation, birthdays, I kept saying, "I'm not ready! I don't want to go! I love them so much!".
I then remember being back in my chair at my parents and I was sitting up as if awake. My body was slumped over and I could feel that it was slumped over so I stopped listening to myself breathe and started breathing with it. I then woke up slumped over in the chair with my head on my arm. I thought....wow....odd dream.
Later that day or maybe the next I told my mother about the dream. She is a counselor and liked hearing about my dreams. I left out the part about the men but told her the rest in detail. She said, "I think you might of had an out of body experience". Ok, so secretly I am a very sensitive guy and I started to hold back the tears the moment she said it. I had not given it one bit of thought as if I was hiding it? So in one sentence my mother had brought out of me something very scary. That there is such a thing as a spirit in this body and that for a moment, I do believe for what ever reason, that I left mine.
So, I have another great (and shorter) dream that happened a few months later. Next post...
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Below are a cluster of dreams that I have recorded on another blog page. I will simply copy/paste them here, together. Future dream blogs will be posted one at a time (I imagine). My name is Scott and I am a black woman living in a white mans body. Kidding. Can you imagine? I can. That's why I said it. No, I am a dream blogger. NOT a writer. So, if you can muddle through, enjoy.
April 5, 2007
Last night I had what I would call a "story" dream. I dreamt that was traveling with an unknown woman by car along a dirt road. We came to a small town along this road that had some modern features (electricity towers, cars) but other than that could have been straight out of the movie "The Village". While walking behind my female companion back to the car after a short stop, a giant man with huge head and arms surprised us, picked up my friend and bit her head off. It was very graphic and real.
Cut to; I am now living in the village?.. and in a town meeting where we have gathered to head out in groups and find the giant and attack him because he was eating people left and right the second they left their doorstep. I was terrified because I was only given one companion to walk my route with me in search for this guy. So myself and some woman that I knew but was not recognizable went off by ourselves through this deserted village. Not long into our journey the giant jumped out from behind a small cabin on the hill we were climbing. I yelled," We found him! We found him!". The giant came for us and we ran into an empty cottage that had several rooms. The giant busted through the door as I began to shut it, so my friend and I ran into another room, shut that door and locked it. I said," Lets keep going! We have to hide!". We then went through another door and into another empty room with a small rustic window too small to climb out of. After shutting and locking that door I noticed that the room had two closets. We ran into one and shut it when we noticed a little girl already there hiding. And that's when I woke up.
October 9, 2007
First of all, for fear I would not fall asleep early enough I took a tamazapam (sleeping pill). I am sure that somehow played into this epic dream. Well, actually, I am not sure! All my dreams have been huge and memorable recently with vast landscapes, animals, and full of flight. Anyway, here is last night's....
The dream began with my friend Jasmine taking me to see an "art house" flick by a famous Spanish director. In the dream Jasmine explains that this director is known for shooting all his films on older film stock. So, even his modern shot pictures look like they came from the 70's, with that grainy light, whatnot. Also, he is known for letting his shots, his scenes, just meander along in "real time" so that you get a feeling of being there. Well, she was right.
The entire screen was the only thing I saw. The shots in the film were beautiful and so unbelievably detailed!!! A car ride through Mexico City where I was the character looking out the window was awesome. I could see every building, side street, outdoor cafe, car, and it went on and on until the shot moved out of town and into the country. And then the scene Jasmine had been waiting for us to see...our friend Rebecca was in the film! She was nude, lounging around in a sexy scene with another male character! I looked at Jasmine with surprise, without a word she nodded with understanding.
Cut to Jasmine and I are at Rebecca's (which is my old grandparents house for some odd reason). I remember gushing over Rebecca's role..., "Oh my God, how, when did you audition?" She said, "Well, I was very young, it was thirteen years ago. The director liked me better than the other girls. I got the part". At this point in the dream Jasmine is watching as Rebecca and I are laying sticks across a large deep hole in the ground she has discovered in her front yard. Things get confusing here so bare with me.
As the conversation of Rebecca's film career went on, I had a set of playing cards that I was laying out for a reading. After the reading we were actually going to play cards out on the lawn. But not just any part of the lawn. We were going to play cards on top of a mesh of twigs and sticks that ran across this deep hole in the yard. So, forget the film conversation and cut to.....
I lay out the cards and telling Jasmine and Rebecca that two of the three of us will take an unexpected "vacation" sometime in the next six months. The "vacation" will last for over one week and will be quite a surprise. At that moment Rebecca stands up and jumps onto the weak mesh of twigs, breaking through them and falling far down into the hole. I thought to myself, "Well, there goes Rebecca's week". I yelled, "Rebecca! Are you alright?" In an inaudible voice she yells something back and I run to find her parents (which are doing yard work on the other side of the house).
To wrap up (I am getting bored) we get down into the hole. Rebecca's jump had left her a little rattled and I hold her up on my shoulder like I used to hold my old cat who just recently got eaten by a coyote (for real). We discover, however, that in the bottom of the hole is a tunnel that once used to belong to the underground railroad!! It had a running water way made of wood and old coffins holding the bodies of those who built the tunnel.
Ok, I'll wrap up there. There is a little more I will leave out to save myself some time here. I mostly wrote this dream so that I could remember it. And now I will. What an epic dream!
October 3, 2008
I'm sick with some kind of chest shit. Not sure, just started taking my dogs antibiotics a few days ago. Thank God I did. Its kicking my ass. What? They're actually people anti-bio tics. The vet prescribed them because they are cheaper than the dog ones we were buying for him. Anyway, he seems to be fine now. If not we have one free refill. Hmmmm...You know, he is also on pain medicine. No......no......I better not. Its just for dogs. I'M KIDDING! I already tried them. I felt nothing. I did stop scratching myself though. ANYWAY, on to the dream...
This afternoon, I fell asleep in a bad mood, had this dream. I dreamt there was a little crawl space in my living room that overlooked our apartments training ground for the arctic navy seals. In my dream I thought, "That is so cool that my apartment complex has something like this. The upkeep must be expensive!".
Anyway, I lowered myself down into what was basically a doorway into the arctic. There were ice barges, polar bears, and a wall of widows affixed to a ceiling (my apartment complex). I was now sitting on a little shoal of floating ice looking at a small group of navy seals stretching for their daily training. One was so handsome! I couldn't make out what he was saying but I sat and watched him a while. I thought to myself what an odd choice to make at such a young age, to turn your entire freedom and life away to something like this (side note: actually, that's the only age you could get anyone to do it, eh? They don't know what freedom is yet). Anyway, I admired him. And I wanted to fuck him.
So....I pushed on and paddled with my hands up the icy water to a camera crew that was rolling back the tape of something they had caught either earlier in the year or that day? I wasn't sure. I instantly just knew that this was a infamous recording I was about to watch of a man getting eaten alive by a one-eyed monster that looked like a loogie with claws. I thought, "Is this a seal? What the hell is that?".
It was hard to watch, a man in a wet suit struggling violently to get away as this creature grabbed him, pulling him back. I turned away before the limbs started flying off and said to the camera crew, "What were you doing? Were you just filming this? Why didn't you help?". I never got an answer. I felt horribly for the man and was then unsure of the water I was floating in. I made my way back toward my apartment window and woke up.
December 12, 2008
This was the night before last, I had a dream that I cannot get out of my head. The randomness of it?
I had a dream I was prophetizing to a woman who looked like the old sepia print photos you see of a Navajo woman or maybe Alaskan Indian? Wider face, features with noble eyes that floated on tanned skin and long dark hair. Anyway, I had a message to give her and I don't remember how I got it or where I was but I looked at her and said, "In time these things are to come that your tribe will be hunted down first and annihilated because they have the biggest of hearts". And I started to tear up!?
I said, "Understand that God chose your people to go through it first because you will be able to handle it." And as I am saying this to her I am understanding what I am saying, that it is the "tribe" of big hearts that have the wisdom and love to experience that reality. WOW!
And then a voice told me that even I would revel in the new leaders choices because he chose the darkest paint to make the first stroke (and I look down at this brush picking up this dark green color and I was so excited because it was new and the underdog and right). And though I felt righteous I knew those things would come to pass and felt nothing but pride about being joyful. Sad.
Now, where the hell do you look that up in the dream dictionary? WT......f?
The dream continued on visually to show some of the interesting colors I would come to see in my future. I mean, literally. I was floating over a painted lake and thought "beautiful!". I don't want to go into the rest, its too visual to describe so I guess I should draw it. Peace.
April 13, 2009
The dream opened with me living in a nice home on beautiful land. I lived with others, a family, my family? I was myself but the time period seemed to be about one hundred years ago in relationship to how people were dressed and the decor of things (furniture, appliances). I knew someone (and I felt it was government police) were coming to find me, take me away. I knew this home I was in well and knew that I could survive in the attic because of its hidden location in the house. I knew that if I used buckets for the bathroom, blankets for bedding, dry food, whatnot, I could survive hidden away as the house was visited by agents then monitored. Basically, I was going to have to Anne Frank it for a minute.
I remember looking up at the attic door and thinking that I had to tell others how to hide, that they could hide here. Now, I am watching the dream and am no longer in it but could feel what the other people were feeling as they lived it. It now became a review of the story of those that hid there.
The attic was over crowded with over thirty some people sharing one small space. I could see how the smells of feces and b.o., sweat and must built up as this group of hiders had to stay there much longer than anyone anticipated. I saw these sickly people sweat furiously in the heat during the day and almost freeze to death in the night. I felt that they feared leaving the attic for even one moment and had to be supplied food from safe providers living in the house. I wanted to then be the safe provider and as I watched developed a plan on how to help them, get them food, empty their buckets, bring towels with water and soap. I knew that when I started living inside their reality again that I would be one of the safe people living in the home but was going to have to be so careful as to not be caught.
I am not sure the intentions of the police that I would be walking amongst but was very frightened and threatened by them. Well, the next thing I remember was not having that opportunity? I was at the end of the story and telling it to a group of people in the form of a play. It was several rows of chairs lined up in a field looking toward a stage that resembled a doll house (the home split and opened) with the attic as the focus.
The play was the tale of how these people survived but how some of them had lived almost their entire life, for years in the attic until the reign of the government police ended. Those few that survived, the younger ones, lived to tell the tale and have families. The audience seemed to be moved and applauded the story before exiting their chairs.
Cut to: I am sitting in a restaurant/diner that was built in the seventies at an unassuming booth with a man. He said, "The house is no longer here, your families house". I looked around and felt sad and nostalgic. I looked at a stone fire place in this diner and knew it was not the original one but was built directly on top of it. I felt sad but in a very peaceful way. The land was sold and the old house was leveled.
Now I am standing out front of the stage of this old home and getting ready to say goodbye but celebrate the memory of those who lived there. I am a younger man than I am now and my grandfather and great grandfather are there to pass down the tradition of this story through me with giving me a box of salt. Well over one hundred other people were there at this event and were strewn out over a large field with a young crop of corn coming up at one end. Everyone was so happy to watch me perform this tradition and my grandfather seemed so proud! Next thing I know I am running toward the field and pouring a fine line of salt between the corn rows. As I am doing this I understand that I am salting the earth so that when the harvest is tall we will be able to walk between the corn rows to gather it? I was unclear but did my job well until I ran out of salt where the field bent.
I then woke up.
May 13, 2009
The dream opened with myself in the drivers set of a somewhat old pick-up truck. I had a companion with me (I think female) in the passenger and we were having an easy conversation. I did not know it yet but I was in the opening scene for 28 days later: part three.
So here we are sitting in bumper to bumper traffic headed back into the city. People were allowed to repopulate the downtown areas, and weather by foot or car, crowds were happily returning to their homes. The "rage" virus was no more and the threat of an outbreak was distant past? That is how I felt, that was the mood. I now understood that this was the story I was living in.
A ball of white light exploded at the horizon ahead of us. A short silence then screams as the people walking back into the city ran away from it, their hair and clothes on fire. I knew it was a bomb, nuclear! I quickly shut the trucks air vents as my companion and I crouched down on the floor board in terror. The screams of agony running past my door were as painful to hear as being burnt alive. Suddenly both my companion and I took an unspoken understood flight from the vehicle with no concern for staying together. We knew the virus had broken out and this was the governments only proven way to stamp it out; kill everything immediately.
I wasn't sure what was more horrifying, running away from the blast and heat or the idea that somewhere in the crowd was one of the infected.
But I ran fast and as I did, planned out in my head how I was going to talk an unsympathetic group in hazmat suits (that may or may not care to scan my eyes for the virus) into letting me pass. Eventually I began to see suburban landscape. What happened next gets fuzzy. Somehow, I knew that I had not run far enough. I had a sense that among the terrified crowd the infection was not far behind.
I also knew, that as I heard the sound of a fighter jet(?), that another bomb was about to hit. I remember being near what looked like a laundry nook detached from a home with the doors blown off. I ran for the dryer, cramming myself into it and closing the door. There was a small window to the outside. I groped for something to cover it so that blinding light and heat would deflect away. Then BOOM! Another ball of light, screams......
Then I woke up. Well, I woke myself up. That was all I could handle!