Saturday, June 20, 2009

Short history of my fascination with dreams

As a child I would always draw. You couldn't stop me from creating images of monsters, roller coasters, water rides, castles, trees, zombies, you name it. I was fascinated by colors and anything gross and strange. My dreams seemed to follow suit. I was able to go on fantastic adventures and nightmares where I would have sworn that I met real people and demons while I slept. But the spiritual insight into who I was (questioning my life and God) started when I had two profound dreams when I was seventeen.
I remember it was after church on a Sunday in Roswell Georgia where I would always fall asleep after lunch in a big comfortable chair in my Mother and Step dads home. On one Sunday I fell asleep and had a dream that started off with what was a HUGE secret I had been harboring for years. It began with me in the audience of a play or stage show. There was no set decoration, just a plain white curtain and folding chairs facing one direction. The audience was mostly full but the two characters on stage were gay men. They were looking at me as if the audience did not exist and propositioning me to join in the play. It was an exciting idea but I knew it was not me, not what I wanted?
Next thing I remember is that I was on top of a hill on a stretch of highway here in Atlanta. The sky was gray and there was not a soul to be seen. I was alone on a bicycle and knew that I did not know where to go but home. The two men appeared again and somehow sent me the message that if I chose one path I could enjoy the excitement of a sexual encounter with them. The other, a long trip into the unknown to get home. So I started down this long stretch of road that glided toward a tremendous hill. I knew I was going to try and make it home.
As I approached the hill I thought to myself that I had better pedal hard and fast if I was going to make it all the way up without having to walk it. So I did, and as I did I felt a pull from the center of my body propel me forward. The bike lifted away from me and I began to fly up through overpasses and into the sky. I looked back on the earth and stretch of highway that was now busy with traffic for some reason!?
As I looked down I thought it was sad that man had projected a holographic image of the the mountains next to the highway to make people feel that the projection is what real natural beauty was as they drove their cars on a cold concrete landscape.
Suddenly I went into the fetal position and was surrounded by darkness. It sounded as though a train were rushing by in the distance and a voice said, "Where do you want to go?".
I said, "Well, I like big rolling mountains that seem to build up on one another and wa...".
I did not finish my last thought before I lifted up out of a lake into the most beautiful mountain scenery that I had ever seen. I not only saw these mountains and lake, but I felt them! I could feel them vibrating with me and it was awesome! I immediately started crying uncontrollably and the voice that now seemed to be to my left said, "Why are you crying?".
I said, "Because man is destroying this on earth!". The thought just came out. Since I was young I felt bad for what man was doing to the trees and animals, whatnot, but did not remember "thinking" about it in such a heartfelt way.
I then started seeing parts of my life. I was floating down on scenes of moments with my family that I took for granted. Vacation, birthdays, I kept saying, "I'm not ready! I don't want to go! I love them so much!".

I then remember being back in my chair at my parents and I was sitting up as if awake. My body was slumped over and I could feel that it was slumped over so I stopped listening to myself breathe and started breathing with it. I then woke up slumped over in the chair with my head on my arm. I dream.

Later that day or maybe the next I told my mother about the dream. She is a counselor and liked hearing about my dreams. I left out the part about the men but told her the rest in detail. She said, "I think you might of had an out of body experience". Ok, so secretly I am a very sensitive guy and I started to hold back the tears the moment she said it. I had not given it one bit of thought as if I was hiding it? So in one sentence my mother had brought out of me something very scary. That there is such a thing as a spirit in this body and that for a moment, I do believe for what ever reason, that I left mine.

So, I have another great (and shorter) dream that happened a few months later. Next post...

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